{ bored to life ...

about that

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:17:31 GMT

hey lj, I've kinda been umm...uhh like seeing Moleskine and stuff.
yeah...he's more private and I feel more connected to him yano? not to mention, he keeps secrets better.

goodbye (for now) lj. maybe I can still write you sometime.

h1n1 anybody?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:37:11 GMT

It's one of those mornings, I really don't want to go to work. It has been 8 months after all, but I'm paranoid about playing hooky at this place. Way I see it, I am entitled to all my paid sick days, so I should take them. Plus, when I'm voluntold to be the poster child for my work place, I should get mad props. All it took was a joint to make up my mind. Work smart, not hard!

I feel a moment of reaping simple pleasures today on my day off instead of being an energy drain.

it was just fireworks

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 17:32:01 GMT

To the people who had a bit of a fright the other night and reported gunshots, thanks. It made for an interesting night, at least. It was to my great satisfaction to tell nothing, but the truth, but you need not know I was the perpetrator. Ditch pigs will always be ditch pigs, after all. And the one time of year, I can get away with dressing like I normally wouldn't, I feel nothing, but...

I just don't have fun anymore, unless -sad to say- I'm on copious amounts of hallucinogens, since I'm not big on drinking. I did have the Kahlua White Russian, quite scrumptious I must say, but even so... Where were my drugs when I needed them most? I usually join in on the festivities of All Hallow's Eve, but I just haven't been much of a social butterfly this past year. There's an emptiness, opening up, consuming more of myself each day and I need to find some other void to fill the emptiness.

I'm glad I spent some time with two of my bestest, Wickens and MacKinnon though.

so much for a hiatus

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:48:06 GMT

Restless nights leave me no other choice, but to write about it. Can't sleep and I've got work in about 4 hours. I've had pretty strange sleeping patterns lately, where I sleep after work, which doesn't make any sense if you ask me. Probably just my biologically clock readjusting itself. I also told myself it was because I didn't have much to smoke, but now that I just did, I kinda feel hazy headed. Time to count ~~sheep~~. (pssst! You know what I really count though? This can sound wrong in so many ways. I count:)

♪ One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians,
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys...

Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians
Seven little, six little, five little Indians
Four little, three little, two little Indians
One little Indian boy ♪

It usually helps or at least bores me to death, I end up falling asleep before I get to the last Indian. Wow, I'm surprised I'm even coherent to type or I'm even making jokes like that. Oh well, I'm sick of your insecurities. Stop being sensitive and grow a sense of humour or balls, both even, whichever suits. Anyway time to count down Indianzzz...

it seemed appropriate

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:18:20 GMT

I tumble and stumble over words
That will never be heard
People and what they have said
Things to never be read
Lasting thoughts that come and go
Showing what you want others to know
Whatever it is I choose to post
Whether the topics are worthy of boast
After all, I am the host
Of my own life sent
Through the internet
These are my life fragments
And they are meant to be kept

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:57:41 GMT

September did not exist.
The rest of the year should be written off.

tmrw

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 06:47:04 GMT

There's no place like home.

i made it

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:37:14 GMT

Now that I'm here, I can really see the contrast between myself and Californians. I feel no one really understands the lingo I'm using and everyone points out how I say "eh" and "about."

Remind me not to ever try liquid cocaine again. Not exactly how I wanted my first night to end up here puking my ass off and whatnot. But good times 'cause I got my share of the bargain and that was D-O-P-E, which is why I agreed to have a shot of this liquid cocaine. Yes, I actually fucking found some dope. Hippy-fucking-YAY! Little did I know, proof 151 and Jager and Rumplemens (sp) were the ingredients and mixed with Erynn equals regurgitation.

So I didn't even own a bathing suit, but after a very painful process searching for the one with my cousin, Jade, I finally have not just one, but two, so there goes my funds for fun here. God damn, I suck, but not as much as you 'cause you're not here where I'm at. Now this is a fucking summer, so suck on dem apples Nova Scotia!

Well, it's time to hit the beach, bitches.

even angels falter

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:55:17 GMT

Truth be told, I miss him...despite what had happened between us. I miss what we had so much. That undivided attention to one another. The partnership that draws and molds two into unison. The companionship...

Why is it now that these feelings fester inside like this? With time, I can only hope I can trust again. But for now, I'll have to get comfortable with whatever trials await and allow myself time to heal.

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 19:32:07 GMT

So with my new clan of seamonkeys being a week and day old, I decided to clean out my seamonkey tank today. I poured them into a coffee mug, for lack of jars and filtered the tank water through a paper towel. It seemed to catch some of the dust in the water and I stress some. The seamonkeys seemed to enjoy the ride when I sucked them through the tube and back into their tank. They're more active than ever, but it could be because I killed some of their fellow monkey friends. I tried to be as careful as I could, but I think I might have squished one or two transferring them back into their tank with the tube.

I hope my motto doesn't become setting my standards low, so I'm never disappointed, but it's starting to get desperate here. Seems like the same old song and dance. This summer has been pretty depressing, I must say what with the weather acting up, but 17 days and it'll be Californication. ;) (hehe thanks Nicole)

What smokes poles is I was really banking on this paycheck for this trip and let's just say I made more by working overtime on the weekend than stressing my ass off of selling optional extras on car insurance for an entire month. Pfft...nonetheless, this is gonna rule.

In conclusion, Rubix Cube will be the death of me.

r.i.p seamonkeys

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:13:51 GMT

You only lived to see not even a day and I fucked up and spilled half your oxygen. But soon enough, I shall breed another horde of seamonkeys. They're fascinating little creatures to watch and observe.

And I wasn't even high.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:31:31 GMT

Long overdue vacation indeed. I don't remember the last time I counted down the days for anything in anticipation. I've got many things on my agenda. Sky-diving being on the top, among visitng the grave of my beloved cousin. It's strange, but even thousands of miles apart, I feel something has been missing, since that day. When I was younger, I've always looked up to her as she was the closest female figure, I've sat on the pedestal, but growing up, I almost resented her for not developing the closest relationship we could have had, but things could have been different if she wasn't boarded off to California because my grandma just couldn't keep up with attending to her. The funny times I covered for Kim when she snuck out with her friends. These memories shall continue to live on and I need to pay my dues to Kim. I don't really feel like I've had the chance. It's been 5 years now...

What made me think of sky-diving was this video Kim got done, while she was sky-diving. I'd like my own footage of plunging to the earth beneath me and surviving it! The only stipulation about this whole trip is no marijuana. It's so bad, I thought of shoving it up me arse. Now that's some good shit!

But if I can overcome this, it would be the challenge and a half and then some.

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:43:04 GMT

Come Aug 11,
goodbye Nova Scotia...
hello California.

i think i may be dying...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 22:00:37 GMT

Or I'm a hypochondriac...

Don't tell me it's heartburn because I nearly ate enough tums to be a pez dispenser! Not to mention, the ibuprofen and you know it's bad when I decide to take medication to overcome it. I've had sharp, mild to heavy chest pains that drives into my heart like a stake every time I breathe or inhale. And when I suck in real hard, it feels like my heart will burst and implode within.

At one point, I thought I was having a heart attack at work and asked the Scottish customer if I could put them on hold to catch my breath. Best way to put it is a heart cramp that aches so much sometimes, I can't even move for that sharp pain is pain I have never experienced before and for once, I'm scared. I never did like doctors.

Well, I've said it before and that was if I die, don't let me know. I'd rather just live my life out and not know the inevitable, but after days of this bullshit, I made an appointment to see a doctor and hopefully he tells me it's PCS (Postcordial Catch Syndrome). Yes, I did my research. Come on doctor, don't make me dread you.

Let's hope I was just being overly dramatic.

ears are ringing

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:45:42 GMT

Life stands still, all love is lost.

karma x3 fold

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:56:07 GMT

I've been more vulnerable to impulses and prone to give into temptations more than ever. I feel, that this allows me to not keep myself in a capsule. Yet, I need to have some more self-control. I feel more alive than ever and at the same time, dead to myself and the rest of the world. It's this wavering feeling, never settling, ever- changing, in the pit of my stomach. The result of high dreams and low hopes being constantly construed in a 2 in 1 formula. I've realized more than ever, I cannot let my imagination die.

Wed, 13 May 2009 22:24:46 GMT

...And it starts all over again to where it all began, as I ran and ran digging and digging with my hands. To which, it cascades like sand that I'll build up like a dam because it starts all over again, to which there is no end.

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:42:00 GMT

THE END.

Some stories should have ended sooner.

sdrawkcab-ssa

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 04:18:30 GMT

I don't know how things ended up the way they are. Seems as if I am already at the solution and I'm figuring out the formula to the equation instead. Back to square one. How did things get so ugly?

she could die trying

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:35:17 GMT

As I live more, I have less to say here.

where it unfolds

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:01:09 GMT

At this rate, I'll be content with consistency. But I'll be honest, if I can just learn to accept, then it would solve a lot of my problems, but that's just another problem in itself. I don't wanna have to accept certain things are the way they are just 'cause. Letting things take their course. Like giving up responsibility and dodging opportunities and new avenues to carry us on. Although, there are things that are always going to be unknown to us in life. I think that last word speaks for itself.

I'm beginning to realize who I am with is absolutely lovely. He's made me realize what I haven't realized and that was he was the one that was my side. He loves me unconditionally and to reflect back on my behauviour towards him, inspires me to learn how to love the way he does. He's so beautiful that my subconscious had not conceived him even in my deepest dreams. For the last while, I've been switched between ON/OFF. Bizarre moods and emotions on a strangehold of paranoia. I feel selfish for the tendencies I seem to possess at times and how I can involve him in such stupid matters that revolve around me. For once, I'm beginning to realize it's not all about me anymore. He is so very patient at my apathetic nature and that means so much. To know he's here to stay and not stray. It's all almost like an addiction that I can't get enough of. My friend once told me last year, this year I would find someone who would lift me off my feet and it was a rather unexpected meeting that changed my life from that day forward. I've been lonely so long and he remained a good friend, despite the fact that I couldn't get over a heartache. And the journey has been a long one...Now my heart aches in a a good way because of (M). Maybe I've spoke too soon.

Work is work, but lately I haven't been minding it as much, due to the fact that I'm performing well, what with my stats and all. Wow, mentioning work is never fun. Who wants to read about your work day? Then again, you chose to read this. I think them Brits are fine and dandy by the way. At least, they can conduct themselves in a more suitable manner dealing with phone reps, unless they think you're American. ;)

them three words

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 22:43:48 GMT

Your first and my last.
Make that five.

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:58:24 GMT

I knew I should have turned back and sang along to "I Held Her In My Arms" by Violent Femmes. It was a song for the very moment of moments. Speaking of, I need to live within moments more, instead of pondering and caring of what others think, as much as I'd hate to admit it, I've become sort of a shut-in, aside from the job, which I got up at 4:30 AM for today. I don't know where this is going...just long sentences with words running after one another, but never catching up to where it started.

Falling in love, you say? Guilt trip or genuine? You tell me. I never did have good judgment of character.

my colours appear in gray

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 21:55:39 GMT

So much for a beautiful day.
But what do I know?
I'm crazy...just the way you like it.
And to fall for it, you sure got me.
Hilarious.

I'm laughing...and it'll be the death of me.

my reality check bounced

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 13:56:12 GMT

So I may be addicted to drugs, but at least I'm not addicted to the ego-centric era of technology i.e crackberries.

Why do I always have to be so bitter? Tell me because I choose to and I'll punch you in the head. But then again, I asked you. I can only laugh at how silly this has all gotten. Perhaps, I'm only observing what I choose to observe and that's all I'll receive in the end. I don't wanna constantly reach for a limb to feel good about this so-called. Why does it come so easily for others when it's no longer a challenge I wanna partake in? Because life's not fair and that's not a fair enough answer for me, I'm afraid. The thunder underneath my feet has been dreadfully halted by silent, empty footsteps, fearful of making a sound.